Tuesday, August 17, 2004

student loan counseling

This crap is manditory for all students that take out a federal loan. Let me give you the gist of it.
1. You will pay back every penny you burrow plus a lot of interest.
2. when you get out of school your interest will be capitalized and will be added to the principal amount.
3. We now own your soul and will dangle it above you occasionally.
4. Isn't it depressing that it may take you 30 years to pay this shit off.
5. Even if you don't get a job you have to pay us.
6. Yes we are just federal loan sharks.
7. No there is no excuse for not making a payment.
8. No we don't care if your house burnt down with your mother in it.
9. In fact there is a penalty because of that. If it was your mother in law there would have been a deduction.
10. We will make you take a quiz just to make sure that you have fully read and understood that we now own you.
11. Did you want to go into public interest law? I am sorry you now owe way too much money to do that.
12. You now have to make a budget for you and your next 8 generations. With all appropriate schedules and appendices.
13. The will be a planning meeting on how to plan to budget in conference room C followed by doughnuts and innane chatter.
14. click that you understand the terms of agreement so it is official that you know you are being ass raped.
15. Smile when repaying all loans or else there is a fee.
16. In fact there is a fee for everything so whether you smile or not we don't care. Just pay up.
And it even has the audacity to have this little gem of a quote in the top corner "dreams can come true...with proper planning"

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